Pulling some old threads together…. Part 1 – Come Inside

I’ve gathered together some lyrics and nonsense previously posted elsewhere, and reposting them here…  keeping it all in one place.

Come Inside, You Silly Bugger, Come Inside

I n Mudcat the other day someone posted a couple of verses for a song called either “The Lunatic Asylum” or “Come Inside, You Silly Bugger”.  I had a look around and there only seemed to be 2 verses known.  So I wrote a few more.
**Original verses (tweaked by me)**
I was working down by the lunatic asylum
I was picking up some stones;
Up popped a lunatic and said to me
Good Morning Mister Jones,
How much a week do you get for doing that?
Fifteen bob, I sighed.
He looked at me
With a look of glee,
And this is what he cried:Come inside, you silly bugger, come inside.
I thought you had a bit more sense,
Working for your money? Take my tip,
Act a little funny and become a lunatic.
You get your four meals regular
And two new suits beside.
Wot? Fifteen bob a week,
A wife and kids to keep?
Come inside, you silly bugger, come inside.

New verses:
I was working down by the prison
I was sweeping up the street
Out came a prisoner and he said to me
“Man, you look dead on your feet.
How many hours a day do they have you doing that?”
Nine to five, I cried
He laughed and laughed
Called me daft
And gently he replied

Come inside, you silly bugger, come inside.

I thought you had a bit more sense, (yes, I did)
Work your hands all raw? No. Do a little crime,
Get lifted by the law and serve a bit of time.
You get your porridge regular
And two new suits beside.
Work forty hours a week?Come in and have a sleep.
Come inside, you silly bugger, come inside.I died and was sent to Heaven (the other day)
and walked round by the Gates of Hell
The devil came out and said to me
“my boy, you don’t look well.
How long’ll you be be sittin twanging harps on clouds?”
For Eternity, I said
He clapped his hands
Did a little dance
And he kindly slapped my head

Come inside, you silly bugger, come inside.
I thought you had a bit more sense, (yes, I did)
Singing in the choir? Heavenly host?
Here’s a nice warm fire, and you’ll get a bit of roast
You’d be bored up there in Heaven
And that gown’s a bit too wide.
Head through the Pearly Gates?
Nah…Come in and join your mates.
Come inside, you silly bugger, come inside.

There’s no moral to my story
No message to my tale
Some days you are Jonah, some days you are the whale
But if you see some poor bugger toiling, working like he has no choice
Open your door, shout and roar
At the top of your bloody voice…
Come inside, you silly bugger, come inside.
I thought you had a bit more sense,
Working for your money? Take my tip,
Act a little funny and become a lunatic.
You get your four meals regular
And two new suits beside.
Wot? Fifteen bob a week,
A wife and kids to keep?
Come inside, you silly bugger, come inside.
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